An Open Letter to the Girl Who’s Afraid to Be Alone

To the Girl Who’s Afraid to Be Alone, 

I know exactly how you feel. Growing up, I would always dream of the perfect man that I would fall in love with when I was older. It seemed inevitable to me that as soon as I got into college, I would instantly meet him, and we would get married four years later, living happily ever after, like all the fairy tales said.

When that didn’t happen, I started to search for Mr. Right. I would see potential in the guys I would meet in class, through dating apps, or even just the cute guys walking past me on campus. I had my eyes peeled, ready to stumble into the right man at any moment, just like in all my favorite rom coms. 

I went out with some nice people, albeit the wrong people for me. Even when I realized a guy and I weren’t the perfect fit, I would still try to make it work because I wanted him to be the one. I would ignore our differing religious values, varying political views, and complete opposite desires for the future because having someone was better than having no one. 

I was afraid to be alone. 

I came to hate the feeling of the end of a relationship so much that I would do everything I could to avoid it. I didn’t even entertain the possibility that being single would be so much more liberating and empowering than anything. I just didn’t want to be alone. 

But the thing is, in the process of looking for someone else, I lost myself. I had put my true thoughts, opinions, and values on the back burner in favor of the other person’s for so long that I no longer knew how to speak up for myself. 

It wasn’t until I was completely burned out from dating in general that I started to realize the necessity of being alone. I had been trying way too hard for way too long in relationships that were way too wrong for me. My spirit was starved and craved my own focus, attention, and love. 

The thing I was desperately trying to avoid was the very thing I needed the most: me. 

So, I started to become me again: I went to church again, I journaled with God more, I took long walks with my puppy, I blasted my favorite music in the car, I danced around my apartment, I spent time around friends who felt like sunshine. 

One evening, out of the blue, it hit me that there was nothing I’d rather have been doing that night than hanging out with just my dog and watching my favorite Netflix show. No, I didn’t wish that a guy was by my side because he wouldn’t have wanted to watch the Taylor Swift Reputation Stadium Tour for the tenth time. No, I didn’t wish that I was going out on a date that night because my leggings and fuzzy socks were so much more comfortable than a dress. No, I didn’t wish for anyone but myself. For the first time, I appreciated, and even loved, being alone.  

My point in telling you this, dear friend, is that there’s nothing to fear in being single. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you or that you’ll never meet the right person. 

There’s purpose in being single.

For me, it was so that I could learn to love myself and have confidence in who I am. For you, it may be a different purpose, but a no less powerful one. Don’t ever forget that:

  • You are a bright, shining light in this world. 

  • You deliver joy to everyone you meet. 

  • You were created by God to do big and incredible things. 

  • Your story is more than your future love story. 

And you are never alone. God has your back, and so do I! I know that you may be afraid to be alone now, when you don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m here to tell you that it’ll all be okay. More than okay even! Everything will work out perfectly at the right time, and who knows? Maybe the real adventure isn’t finding Mr. Right. 

It’s finding yourself. 

With all my love, 

Jessica